||[Mar. 8th, 2004|02:42 am]
|||||Oval portrait (currently unreleased)||]|
i can't explain the way i feel right now. so disconnected. i haven't typed a word of my report for sony yet and i'm tired as fuck and it's almost 3am. and i feel..anxious about everything. i'm playing phone tag with the guy at volume and i have to send my info to the alcohol sponsor this week if i want to get that to happen. nothing can ever be easy and it's not like i'm getting any help. i wish i had a fucking promoter to set my shit up. fuck fuck fuck. i had an amazing weekend. i think i haven't felt as good as i did on friday in a long time. something.. felt so right to me. i forgot to be scared and i felt hopeful about at least one thing in my life. but now i feel insecure again and tomorrows monday and...i don't know. i think i'm hormonal. what the shit.
i watched the soprano's and i ate eggplant parmasan and i hugged my ladies which i hadn't seen in quite sometime...and talked about boys...nice...oh and ate chocolate. heck yeah. how old am i?! ha ha. whatev. it really just made me miss them more. i miss my girl kat. she works and she is always out with her roomates and such and i miss seeing her weekly and having her make me feel sane. i can't wait until em gets here on Thursday. i think i will hug her so hard, ribs will crack. i miss her tons. it makes my heart hurt. we are going to have so much fun and she can meet lou and we'll make some ruckus. word. i'll be in jersey one nite this week too and maybe i'll diner it up and then get some cuddle on. oh fucking the bestest. i can't wait.
must do work. holy shit, it sucks. i want to sleep. alright.